Do looks matter? 'Sometimes'

A friend/colleague recently filled out one of those personal questionnaires on his blog. I was trying to remember the name for them. I asked IT Drew because he knows internet cultural type stuff, and he said it was a 'meme' - before threatening to nullroute all my email if I didn't stop bothering him.

Anyway, people fill these surveys in and pass them on, and they're designed to reveal all sorts of personal bits and bobs about your life, only usually they seem to provide information that no one would ever want to know, like, 'What did you have for breakfast?' Or,'Do you prefer Sprite or 7UP?'

This morning my friend/colleague or, acquaintance/colleague, and I were debating whether it's possible to properly get to know someone who lives a long way away, someone you only ever chat to online. I think it is possible, and I like 'meeting' people on messenger or by email. So I wondered about filling out his meme questionnaire to help him, and others, get to know me better.

I know the idea is to answer the same questions, but I decided to make my own up.

Time Started: 1.46pm

Full Name: Joanne... Do I have to tell you my middle name?

Is there anything you don't want to reveal in this questionnaire? Yes, my middle name. I hate it. People will laugh.

Do you keep many secrets? No. I just don't want to reveal my middle name at the whim of some silly questionnaire.

Do you like taking surveys like this? No. They're all rubbish.

Ok, and what's that subject heading about? I was looking at other meme surveys online and saw that. It's typical of the type of evasive non-answer people use when filling out these things. Dull people.

Are you an interesting person then? No, not particularly, but these surveys make everyone seem dull because people have to answer 'yes' or 'no' to silly questions about bunjee jumping and eating dog biscuits. It's bound to be 'no' for anything exciting, then we get on to, 'Have you had chicken pox?'

Would you describe yourself as a sneery, snobbish, or dismissive person? Yes, of course I am! I look down on crass, forced, dull questions in online meme surveys. And I feel I must be better than the sort of people who fill them in.

Have you ever filled in a survey revealing personal details about your life before? No. I just said. I hate them.

Do you hate them because you feel forced to reply to their un-flexible set of questions, and struggle with the lack of control this implies, and also have further issues with your desperate attempts to be funny being thwarted because the answer requested is just a simple 'yes' or 'no'? Yes.

If there was one question you'd want to be asked by a survey like this what would it be? If there was something I wanted to say I wouldn't need a stupid question, I'd just blog about it. I don't need any fucking personality questionnaire to tell me what to write about!

So weren't any of your friend/colleague's replies interesting? Not particularly. His last blog post about having anal sex with a girl before they'd been on their first date was much better.

Well what about if one of these personality questionnaires asked you about anal sex? Wouldn't that be interesting? I suppose it might be... Ok, fair point.

Have you ever had anal sex? Yes.

And? You see that's just one of the problems with this type of stupid questionnaire, that's not allowed! You have to reply briefly and move on, there's no follow up questions, even if someone says something interesting. (Unlikely.)

So you're not going to say any more about the anal sex? No. And you have to move onto the next question now. That's how these things work.

Ok, What did you have for breakfast? Sainsbury's Blueberry Muffin.

Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? No.

Been bungee jumping? No.

Chicken pox? What do you think?

Ok, I get your point. These online questionnaire things are really crap, aren't they? Yes.

So you had a muffin for breakfast? Very nice. Yes. Almost as nice as anal sex.

Hang on, that wasn't a proper question... I'm thinking of a better one now... Check the ones on my colleague's blog?

Ok. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? He said chocolate. I remember that.

Oh, chocolate? Yes. Not vanilla.

Why are you laughing? I don't know.

Would you say you have a juvenile sense of humour, and enjoy shocking people by talking about sex? Fuck off! Can I just blog properly about my anal experiences now?

Ok. Or maybe finish the au pair lesbian lust post? Yeah, maybe. See, these questionnaires reveal nothing. No one can know about anyone they only know online, you have to meet them face to face. So my colleague will just remain a colleague. I might blog about him, he might blog about me, but... Friends or acquaintances? Yes, no, sometimes...