Scooby dooby doo

How do I sing 'Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?' and dance with Amy, and laugh, and still feel sad at the same time?

She was bouncing on the bed, and telling me off for singing, 'Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner - don't hold back'.

She didn't like the 'ner ner ners' but I didn't know the words. So we laughed about this, and then I stopped laughing and thought too much, and the game soon ended.

Why does it feel like my idea of the world is now all wrong?

I still sing Scooby Doo and do silly stuff with Amy, so on the surface nothing has changed. It's under the surface where the problem lies.

I thought/think the world is a wonderful place and people are all nice. I know, it's embarassing admitting to such naivete, is it worse than confessing to visiting a therapist?

I do know there are wars and murders and things. I suppose I've never fully considered those. I rarely watch the news on TV, and avoid reading the serious stories in newspapers. And I'm sure that avoiding all that makes me a flawed person.

Maybe I thought bad things happened to other people, and even blamed them a little? Or at least gave the victim less sympathy by being unwilling to assign blame. Because I've realised that I had to think like this, just a little, to stick to my view that the world was all really happy and nice.

If something bad happens, but I don't believe in badness then I'd try to spread the nasty stuff around, like trying to hide it under the rug. A child is murdered? Well of course that's bad and sad... But the murderer couldn't help it, could he? He was badly brought up, he had a sad life too. But it wasn't his parents fault either. They had a hard time as kids. But his parents hard time was caused by unhappy circumstances, their parents had no money, so in the end it was all really the cause and effect of something insignificant. I turn it into a small thing that wasn't really anyone's fault. I dilute the idea of badness so much, that in my head it becomes, 'Just one of those things'. And I go on believing in a world that's a happy place full of nice people. I believe everyone's trying to do their best, believe when people get hurt it's only ever through the blameless failures of the misguided.

So Amy bounces on the bed as I sing to her, and I avoid the TV news and watch Teen Titans with her instead. And the world still looks happy and people seem nice. Isn't that true? Doing my best for Amy it seems easy to believe the world is a good place with good people doing their best to make it even better. Perhaps I was so caught up in my own happiness I didn't want to believe it could be any different for anyone else?

So it took something effecting me to make me see that it's not like that. And the problem is that I still want to believe that it is all good.

So I play with Amy and laugh, but I'm sad all at the same time. My head hurts. And who do I blame?