Not the Lesbian Lust Post...

I did write most of a post about au pair lesbian lust, as I do like to please my loyal readers, but decided to finish this one instead, which isn't rude at all, just a wittery muse about my collector mentality.

I wanted to find a poem to type out to share with you, from that magazine I found in the oddballs and freaks section of Borders. I looked but couldn't find a poem that was just right. As I browsed my magazine for this purpose I realised I like looking for stuff more than the finding. This made me realise that it's why I like collections, I like looking and finding something to brighten the day, be it a new cactus, or a poem, or something that no one else would want to see on a pavement.

I'll find it and the finding will feel special. That's why I've always been at my happiest when collecting something. So what's sparked my collecting need in the past? Cacti, singles from unknown indie bands, 'Warez' (illegal software downloads) new signings in Championship manager, 'vintage' Ebay tat, the perfect hand at poker... I'm sure there are many more.

Have I told you I love my new camera? I think it actually might be magic. Strangely the tiny red dot I stuck on my favourite platform poster at Tooting Bec vanished, although a rainbow and a Humpty Dumpty remained. I don't know why. It bothered me when the tiny dot was removed. I meant to replace it, but stuck a tiny turtle I had handy in it's place.

The red dot on my phone screen has gone too. Taking photos seems to be another collecting thing. It makes me look around for things I like. And here's a few 'things I like' photos I've taken.


I'm not allowed to blog about work now, but this is our office fruit. I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to say this? But I can't imagine a better company to work for than PokerStars. And with fruit like this, how can you disagree?


And here's a sign I like at a local curry house. 'Eat all you can', might be good business for my new sick website.

I bought Steve an espresso maker in my lunch hour today, because his went rusty, and I saw these banana keepers. They protect your bananas from bruising and keep them fresh. I thought, 'How stupid', but Steve is very jealous of our free office fruit and keeps trying to persuade me to steal him some. I don't think this would be right, and I'm not sure how I'd get it home in my handbag anyway. The banana keeper might work...



I told him there were fresh figs, and he went, 'Ooooh!' He likes fresh figs. So I picked a couple of these to eat on my way home, only then I wasn't very hungry.

On a side note, I'm not sure about PokerStars policy on eating their free fruit outside the office? I'm not sure of the plan behind this fruit provision. Is the idea to provide free fruit to keep their staff healthy? Maybe it reduces their premiums on our Bupa health insurance. It could be they get a questionnaire, 'Do your staff eat fruit? Yes/No' A bit like 'Do you keep your car in a garage?'

If this is my boss's plan then eating fruit day and night would be ok, and I could justifiably steal it for consumption at home. However it could be that the fruit is not allowed to be removed from the premises, except in your tummy, and that the plan is to make us happy by letting us munch fruit at our desks. The uncertainty about all of this has meant I've never dared eat the fruit on the way home before.

As I say, I didn't eat the figs on the way home. And I'm not going to publicy say that the PokerStars fruit was taken off the office premises and given to my boyfriend. No, I'm not... I could easily have returned it to the office next day, to eat it in company time, on office premises, in line with company fruit policy.

But did you know that figs are rude? Steve told me. It took him about an hour to explain it to me, without using any rude words at all - well he's very shy. It was a very funny hour though. With lots of nods of heads, and gestures, and many 'errs' and 'you knows' in his explanation. I think I now understand how figs are rude. And if I did get it right, then perhaps my lesbian au pair would enjoy the figs more than me?

I'm not sure I like thinking about 'err' (imagine me nodding my head now) and, 'you know,' as I get my 5 a day. This put me off figs a bit. And I would like to assure everyone that I will not be consuming any more fruit away from the PokerStars premises, and neither will Steve. He says he prefers the real thi - I didn't buy that banana keeper either.

Although looking at it, I wonder if...

See, this wasn't a rude post at all!

If it was I'd probably tell you that I suspect Steve's fig eating teqnique might be responsible for me coming three times last night.