Magnetic Hair

I pulled out 2 white hairs yesterday. So that's 5 I've found now. Yes, I am counting, although I don't keep these silvery hair rarities. But I could, couldn't I?

I love those museums created by whiskery Victorian adventurous, who put everything that they might file under 'Hmm, interesting' into a glass case. Then they'd feel good about themselves when poor people visited and gaped at the exotic masks and fossilised dinosaur poo they showed them. I'm poor and I hope old Mr.Horniman knows how much I love his dinosaur poo!

Mr.Horniman's dead now, which leads me nicely to what this post was supposed to be about. I'm a bit worried about getting old. Steve is too, though he's 7 years behind me in the old-ness stakes. He's doing his best to catch up by lots of smoking, drinking, eating bad food, and working unhealthy hours. Unfortunately he's still 30. He worries about his hair. Although he has a theory that ginger blokes go grey later in life than people with normal coloured hair. Life is cruel, isn't it?

I found a white hair in Steve's beard today, but I couldn't bring myself to pull it out in case that hurt him.

If I did collect my grey hairs and had a 'Me Museum' containing these 5 fascinating hair oddities, I should pull out Steve's white hair because it would be a valuable addition to the collection.

I'm not sure what else I'd put in a 'Me Museum' glass case? Right now I can only think of the first sanitary towel I ever used. That would surely have some 'me' historical significance? Unfortunately I don't have this any more.

Is Time Team still on TV? Maybe I could get Tony Robinson and his gang to dig in Harrogate Borough Council's landfill site looking for this? Their DNA experts could analyse all the soggy 'female products' they found. But would dating technology be sophisticated enough to pinpoint a towel from March 3rd 1983? Surely an interesting challenge for the Channel 4 show.

Anyway, back to Steve's hair. He's worried about this receding. Of course he is. Most men are. Wigs look stupid. With ginger wigs even stupider than most. However, today I thought of a solution to men's baldy-ness problem. Male Pattern Baldness to give it's trying-to-keep-a-straight-face name.


Scientists need to magnetize men's scalps. And you know when you get iron filings and sprinkle them on a magnet they go sort of random, and fuzzy when you mess with them? Well if clever scientists could make soft, hair-coloured, iron filings they could sprinkle these onto men's magnetized heads. It would be a great hair-substitute. For Steve some nice shiny bronze hair-metal would be great.

I thought of something else for my 'Me' museum. My first ever earrings. Sadly I lost one of these some years ago, at a house in Tooting Bec road. It won't be as much trouble as the first sanitary towel to locate. If Steve's head is magnetized I'm sure he'd be able to help me find it.