"Bang Bang" speech bubble, camel poster Tottenham Court Road
"Bang Bang!" She just thought it, instead of saying it. What do you do when your boyfriend is asleep when you want him awake?
You know you should want him to sleep. Sleep is necessary. To deprive someone you love of anything they need is very selfish.
She shouldn't mind that he slept, sleep was the simplest, least egocentric way to ever part.
"Bang Fucking Bang" She said it quietly. She knew that noise would rarely wake him. She'd often have to shake him. More often she'd move restlessly, brush against him, as if by accident.
Sometimes it didn't work, especially if he'd been drinking.
She turned onto her back. She stared at the ceiling without looking at the ceiling at all.
If she woke him up they could have sex. She smiled, was that why she'd thought of the word 'bang'? It was a jokey word for sex, wasn't it?
She didn't need him for sex, sadly it was sometimes better on her own.
Why would she want to wake him? What would they do if she did?
He'd want to talk about his stuff. She'd want to talk about hers. She'd mentally close her eyes as he talked about the War book he'd been reading. Then he'd smile solemnly, as she talked work gossip, or told him how she felt about her mum's new dog.
He liked gun things, so was that why the phrase 'Bang Bang' had come into her head? No, unlikely. She barely ever considered his interests at all. Only ever to wonder when his conversation would end, to judge when she could fire off a conversational topic of her own.
It wasn't the sex thing, no, that was for sure. The 80's sitcom meaning of the word still amused her. 80's or even 90's? It was when she'd been with her ex. When she hadn't needed to know the phrase, when it probably wouldn't have made her smile.
Bad times. She'd never thought to repeat them.
Old Sitcoms were repeated endlessly on cable channels. Times changed and made them meaningless to her. You'd see those old shows running through the night. Did anyone still watch and laugh, or were they just familiar friends to people who couldn't sleep?
"Bang Bang!" She felt quite angry now, as if her partner's lack of attention was callous, a deliberate act. She remembered when her love was a thunderous bang of all-consuming, life-fulfilling, love. No time for sleep. A shout of loud endless love. Endless? A shout couldn't last. Only 4 letters in 'Bang'. Repeating it barely helped. Feelings like these weren't meant to last forever. Days always ended, eyes closed at the day's close, then stillness, quiet.
Things had to be that way.
Didn't they?
Always.
Each night eyes closed, each morning eyes opened.
It had to be like that no matter what.
Didn't it?
Forever?
"Bang Bang"
You're dead.
You know you should want him to sleep. Sleep is necessary. To deprive someone you love of anything they need is very selfish.
She shouldn't mind that he slept, sleep was the simplest, least egocentric way to ever part.
"Bang Fucking Bang" She said it quietly. She knew that noise would rarely wake him. She'd often have to shake him. More often she'd move restlessly, brush against him, as if by accident.
Sometimes it didn't work, especially if he'd been drinking.
She turned onto her back. She stared at the ceiling without looking at the ceiling at all.
If she woke him up they could have sex. She smiled, was that why she'd thought of the word 'bang'? It was a jokey word for sex, wasn't it?
She didn't need him for sex, sadly it was sometimes better on her own.
Why would she want to wake him? What would they do if she did?
He'd want to talk about his stuff. She'd want to talk about hers. She'd mentally close her eyes as he talked about the War book he'd been reading. Then he'd smile solemnly, as she talked work gossip, or told him how she felt about her mum's new dog.
He liked gun things, so was that why the phrase 'Bang Bang' had come into her head? No, unlikely. She barely ever considered his interests at all. Only ever to wonder when his conversation would end, to judge when she could fire off a conversational topic of her own.
It wasn't the sex thing, no, that was for sure. The 80's sitcom meaning of the word still amused her. 80's or even 90's? It was when she'd been with her ex. When she hadn't needed to know the phrase, when it probably wouldn't have made her smile.
Bad times. She'd never thought to repeat them.
Old Sitcoms were repeated endlessly on cable channels. Times changed and made them meaningless to her. You'd see those old shows running through the night. Did anyone still watch and laugh, or were they just familiar friends to people who couldn't sleep?
"Bang Bang!" She felt quite angry now, as if her partner's lack of attention was callous, a deliberate act. She remembered when her love was a thunderous bang of all-consuming, life-fulfilling, love. No time for sleep. A shout of loud endless love. Endless? A shout couldn't last. Only 4 letters in 'Bang'. Repeating it barely helped. Feelings like these weren't meant to last forever. Days always ended, eyes closed at the day's close, then stillness, quiet.
Things had to be that way.
Didn't they?
Always.
Each night eyes closed, each morning eyes opened.
It had to be like that no matter what.
Didn't it?
Forever?
"Bang Bang"
You're dead.
posted by Jo at 9:34 PM
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